my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
