Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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