Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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