i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
