i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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