New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
