its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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