oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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