I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
