this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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