so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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