You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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