And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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