I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
