I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
