last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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