Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
