no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
