i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
