Christians are straight up FREAKS
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
