i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
