checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
