stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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