i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
