if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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