My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
