Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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