Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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