YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
