You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
