I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
