I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
