No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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