I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
