So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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