Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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