When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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