Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
