she woke up with a sticky ear
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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