What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
