Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
