"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
