forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
