...so i touched it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
