He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
