PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
