She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
