you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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