Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
