Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
