just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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