Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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