u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
