Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
