I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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