is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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