his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
