She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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