Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
