you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
