I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
