Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
