There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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