I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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