he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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