new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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