my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
