I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it penis luge time yet?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
