She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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