if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
