how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
