thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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