i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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