Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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