I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
